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  “It’s a plan,” says Cydni.

  Luke grabs Mom’s wad of ones, Cydni’s hand, and is out the door in a second flat. Wait. Her hand? No, that would be crazy. I lay the card down. “He can hardly look at me, Mom.”

  She picks at her chipped pink nail polish. She never wears chipped polish. “He’s just scared. It scares him to see you so hurt, honey. Same reason your other friends have stayed away, most of mine, and your dad’s, too. It’s hard to come and see what’s happened to someone you love. Some people can’t get past their own fears. We’re all different. Everyone’s doing what they can.”

  “I guess it’s something that Haddings showed up.”

  Mom doesn’t answer, so I go back to my card.

  “Oh my gosh!” someone squeals.

  I lean forward. Ironically, six girls from Pep Club are crammed in the doorway, the most popular girls that manage to stay far away from me at school.

  “Can we come in?” their president, Kara, asks.

  Mom looks to me, and I shrug. “Sure, girls,” she says, and motions to them then adjusts the neck of my gown. “It’s so nice to have Sarah’s friends visit. Thank you for coming!”

  “Of course,” says Kara.

  “Sarah?” Anna gapes.

  “Yikes! Does that hurt?” Willow asks.

  “I can’t believe what happened to you!” Anna adds.

  “I can’t even tell it’s you, Sarah!” says Laura.

  I stop registering who’s saying what until Kara says, “I can’t believe Mr. Haddings did this to you.”

  I raise my voice over theirs. “It was a total accident!” I hold my breath to bottle my tears. It’s a good thing Cydni isn’t here to hear me defend him.

  “Oh, we know. I mean” — ​Anna runs her hand down her reddish blonde ponytail — ​“everyone knows Haddings is near perfect. We’re all just hoping he gets to come back and teach.”

  “Well, what matters right now is you,” Kara says. “I can’t believe how horrible you, or, I mean, this all is.” Everyone adds their adjectives.

  I turn my head and tug my sheet to my neck. My stupid lips go blubbery. Mom nudges close to me. “Well,” she butts in, “we are actually really happy with how well Sarah’s doing. This is just some swelling as the fluids flow down from her surgery. She’ll look like herself in a few days. You’ll see.”

  The girls engage with Mom, who transfers all the talk to them. How’s school? Anyone looking for dresses for the next dance? Who has a date? She spins their enthusiasm away from me until I can get control. I finally give her a little smile, and she nods.

  It’s Willow who breaks out of Mom’s conversation. “But listen to us. This is about you, Sarah.” She holds out her hands to me. “Just look at your poor hair! We heard all about it this morning from Luke and Cydni. Your hair won’t be back to normal in a few days, will it?”

  Kara sets a big bag on the bed. “Which is why we bought you hats!” She pulls them out one by one.

  “We got to skip sixth period, and we’ve been shopping ever since!” squeals Anna.

  “And I have to thank you, Sarah!” Laura giggles. “I mean, I got this really cute plaid skirt and tights.”

  “Oh, great,” I manage to say. The berets, sun hats, and baseball caps cover the bed.

  Kara grins. “We took a donation today at lunch and then went and bought all of these for you.”

  I finger one. The girls model them for me. They flip around their hair whenever they take a hat off, checking themselves in the mirror above the flowers and balloons. I can’t keep a smile on my face. It keeps sliding off.

  “Try this one, Sarah,” Anna insists.

  “Oh, no. I think, you know, my incision would hurt.”

  “Oh, sure. I’m sorry.”

  “Thank you for the gifts, but I think it would be good for Sarah to rest now.” Mom walks over to the door.

  “Of course, Mrs. McCormick,” says Kara. The girls gather in a cluster.

  “Thanks for coming,” I manage to say.

  Kara stops. “Oh, sure. We needed to do a community service project for Pep. So this was, like, perfect!” She leads the way out, everyone following.

  My chest is strangled and my face hot.

  Mom quips, “It takes everything in me not to kick her tight little butt down the hall.”

  “Mom!” I surprise us both and laugh.

  She raises an eyebrow. “What?”

  All the embarrassment I suppressed during their visit suddenly boils up, and I start bawling.

  Mom holds on to my trembling knee, crooked beneath the sheet.

  “Thanks for helping me out when they were here, Mom, but can you just give me minute alone?” I gasp.

  “Sure, honey. I’ll go and check on … um … something.” She disappears into the hall, actually giving me space.

  CHAPTER 40

  Haddings

  5:50 pm

  Heading into the Starbucks by the hospital, I see them clustered in the middle of the café, laughing and chatting. It’s the popular clique from the high school. When I slip into line, I can hear practically every word of their conversation.

  Kara sets down her cup and puts her hand to her chest. “I couldn’t believe how horrible she looked!”

  “Like, what did you think? A frog or a basketball?” says a girl I don’t know.

  Willow taps her finger into the foam in her cup and daintily dabs it on her tongue. “I just never imagined Sarah would look so bad.”

  “I know,” Laura laughs. “But really, we shouldn’t laugh, right?” And then they all do.

  Anger curls my fingers. I step out of line and head straight to their group.

  “Mr. Haddings!” Kara says, shooting out of her chair.

  I slap my palms on the table, rocking their mochas, macchiatos, and fraps. “Don’t you ever, ever laugh at Sarah again.”

  They stare wide-eyed at me, while a few nod quickly.

  “No, we didn’t mean any — ” Kara starts.

  “I don’t want to hear it.” I narrow my eyes and look at them singly. “This was a horrific accident. At least respect that. If you knew any better, you’d respect Sarah.”

  I walk away from the narcissistic bunch, leaving them speechless for once. Good riddance.

  CHAPTER 41

  Sarah

  5:55 pm

  Mom, Luke, and Cydni all come back in together. Luke passes me my ice cream without meeting my eyes, but Cydni scoots past him and settles next to me on the bed. I immediately start to recount the Pep Club visit.

  “Can you believe that?” I ask.

  “Unbelievable,” Cydni says.

  Dad shows up midway into the story. “Hey, baby,” he says.

  “Hi, Daddy.” I swallow another bite of ice cream.

  He looks at Mom strangely, takes her hand, and leads her into the bathroom. “That’s weird,” I whisper.

  Cydni shrugs. “Back to your story.” She feeds me a huge spoonful of melty ice cream. “I can’t believe they were trying on the hats and everything.”

  “What more can you expect from the most popular girls in the school?” Luke asks. “It’s all about looks.”

  “Right,” Cydni agrees, “but real friends won’t care what you look like, Sarah. Right, Luke?” Cydni turns to him.

  “Yeah,” plops out of his mouth, but I know it’s not totally true.

  While Cydni scrapes the last bite from the cup, Mom and Dad’s conversation gets louder and louder through the bathroom door.

  When the staff brings in my dinner, I invite Luke and Cydni to share my tater tots while I eat the chicken fingers. We try to cover up my parents’ discussion by talking over them, but it’s obviously fake, so we peter out and end up listening in.

  “Janet, listen.”

  “What is your point?” Mom complains.

  “Let it go, already. Stop wasting energy on those girls. We have nothing to spare right now. Let’s focus on taking care of Sarah. Let’s take care of you.”
<
br />   “I don’t care about me!” Mom says.

  “Sooo.” Cydni gets up and hands me a napkin. “I’ll go get you some more ice for your water pitcher, Sarah. Be right back.” She scurries out the door. At least she can escape my parents’ fight.

  Luke covers his face. “Could they be more embarrassing?”

  “Um, no.”

  Mom keeps it up. “If you’d listen to me, Mark, you’d understand how upset Sarah was.”

  “I am listening.”

  “No, like usual, you’re standing there in some other place.”

  “Stop, Janet. Just stop! You don’t know how hard I’m trying,” Dad says. “Okay. Maybe I haven’t always been attentive, but right now, I’m standing here and telling you, you need to let it go! I’m focused this very second, and what I see that matters is you and Sarah. Stop. Look in the mirror. Look, Janet.”

  I know her hair is ragged; there are bruises below her eyes. She hasn’t left here or changed clothes since yesterday before the accident. Luke gets up and paces.

  More quietly, Dad says, “Honey, look at your hands. You’re shaking from so much caffeine. You need to eat better. Rest. You need to take care of yourself, so you can take care of Sarah.”

  “No. I don’t deserve any attention. You, you don’t understand.”

  “Please, Janet. We all need you. You deserve to take care of yourself and be taken care of,” Dad says.

  Mom’s ragged breath slips under the door. “It’s all my — ” She sobs out her thoughts. The jumble of sounds heaves out.

  Luke and I are completely still until Mom’s anguish finally wanes. Somehow she thinks the accident was her fault? “That’s crazy,” I whisper. Luke shuffles his feet.

  “It was an accident, Janet,” Dad insists.

  Cydni tips her head into the room. Hearing the quiet, she comes in and dumps a cup of ice into my pitcher. She pours me cold water and holds it while I sip from the straw. All’s silent behind the bathroom door, and so are we.

  When Dad comes out, he rolls the tray with my empty dishes away, and he and Cydni spread my Kentlake blanket across the bed. Our hawk mascot warms me right up. “Thanks for bringing this from home, Dad.” I tug it close.

  “Sure thing, Sarah.” He returns to his book.

  Cydni fills me in on the day, how she and Luke were bombarded with questions from all the students and even the teachers. It was hard for the two of them to get through the halls from class to class, so many people were concerned and wanted to hear the latest.

  I fill her in on getting out the drainage tube, and decide to skip the catheter and Haddings’ visit, let alone how I know he was the driver. Even though she didn’t tell me, I don’t want to talk about that stuff with Luke here, and I don’t need to hear about her disapproval of Haddings when I have enough of my own right now. I’ll tell her later.

  She putters around the room, straightening, stacking, tidying, but eventually, she sits down next to Luke. Funny how they keep looking at each other. Smiling.

  Glancing. Looking.

  Smiling again.

  Cydni softly giggles at something he says into her ear.

  Oh no. Oh, don’t even tell me! They are together? No stinking way. Please, please, not that weirdness. My best friend and my brother?

  Luke’s hand brushes her knee, and she leans closer to him. He doesn’t pull back, and knocks his shoulder against hers.

  I purse my lips and stare up at the IV, the droplets going down into the tube. So, what, guys? This all happened while I lay here bloated? Or when I was in surgery? When they were cutting open my head? Or drilling my skull back together? How insensitive can you be?

  I sniffle, and no one notices. I can’t believe it. I kick at my sheets. They don’t look over.

  Great. Just great. The bottom line is that my best friend gets my brother while I don’t get Haddings. Jealousy gurgles my guts, burning up into my throat. I swallow it down along with the tantrum that wants to blast out of me at them.

  After a few minutes, I make myself look again. Cydni smiles at Luke. Dad’s oblivious, reading.

  I count the holes in the ceiling tiles.

  Cydni giggles again. She’s definitely happy. I close my eyes, trying to chill. “Luke,” she flirts. I go to glare at them but see reality; for once, she’s really happy. Luke sets his hand on her arm.

  I pick at the tape on my own hand. Oh, come on. Like I wouldn’t have done the same if it had been Haddings or someone like him? If Luke or Cydni were in a life or death situation, and there was a super long wait, and the guy was perfect? Not that Luke is, but Cydni thinks so.

  No, I still wouldn’t move that fast. Luke shares a mint with her and clicks the tin closed.

  They have known each other for forever though. Did he lean on her through this whole thing or something? Cydni would have swooned over that. She can at least thank me for the opportunity later. Sheesh.

  Luke’s eyes slide from Cydni. Remarkably, he looks at me for a sec. I bury my jealousy for now, somehow, and shrug toward her. He grins. “Thanks,” he mouths.

  I scooch up in bed a smidge, a tiny bit stronger. What a total surprise.

  6:23 pm

  When Mom comes out of the bathroom, she’s in clean clothes. Her hair’s brushed smooth with her bangs swept to the side. Her eyes are red from crying, but her brow isn’t squeezed like it has been. She sits in a chair while Dad stands behind her and rubs her shoulders.

  “Dinner was good, Mom. I ate a lot.”

  “That’s nice, dear.” Now her lips turn up into a little smile, and she closes her eyes. There’s no doubt my mom is beautiful. Everyone always says I look like her.

  What about now? I bite my lip. Seems I should know how I look, right? Everyone else has seen. Even Haddings.

  An urgency zooms through me. I need to see. Right now. I need to see what I look like. Maybe, maybe it isn’t so bad.

  “I want to — ” Everyone turns to me, including Haddings in the doorway.

  “I have to apologize to everyone, Sarah,” he says.

  “Can I help you?” Mom asks.

  “Is there something — ” Dad says.

  “Mr. Haddings!” Cydni yelps.

  Luke launches across the room, the power pumping off him. He coils his arm back and lets it fly. His fist connects with Haddings’ eye, and Haddings stumbles out into the hallway.

  Everyone is yelling at Luke. Where’s the hospital staff? Isn’t anyone hearing this?

  Luke lunges for Haddings, grabs his arm, and yanks him back into my room. “Do you see what you did to my sister? Do you?” He spits the words out. Punches him again.

  “Luke!” Mom yells.

  Dad grabs Luke’s arms and wrestles him off Haddings.

  “Look at her!” Luke shouts and kicks out. “Look at what you did!”

  Haddings takes it all. Doesn’t defend himself.

  Where did all that come from, Luke? I quickly remember to close my mouth, suppress my grin. My chest warms with the light my brother just ignited inside of me.

  “It was Haddings who hit you,” Cydni whispers to me.

  “I know,” I smile at her.

  CHAPTER 42

  Haddings

  6:27 pm

  He connected well. My eye is already swelling; there’s blood on my lip, but I stand there, with my arms hanging at my sides, waiting for the next hit. Someone, hurt me worse than I hurt Sarah. Please.

  “Is everything all right?” a nurse asks at the door.

  “Yes,” they answer.

  I don’t turn around. She pauses, then leaves.

  CHAPTER 43

  Sarah

  6:28 pm

  Luke wipes his tears on his shoulder. He wrenches himself free of Dad and goes to stand beside Cydni. She squeezes his forearm. “You were awesome!” she says.

  Mom’s in the corner of the room, looking remarkably small. Dad blocks Haddings from Luke with his body, but all of a sudden something goes off in him. His fists close, and in two steps
he’s thrown Haddings up against the wall.

  “Do you see my daughter?” he mutters. “I could kill you.”

  As we all gasp, Haddings looks him straight in the eye.

  Dad rattles him against the wall. “That’s my daughter! You hit her, and now you want me to hit you, don’t you? To punish you. Well, forget it.” He shoves Haddings aside. “I won’t give you the relief.”

  Mom pulls Dad to her.

  “After all my talk, this blasts out of me?” he asks her, then turns to me. “I’m sorry, honey, but I honestly could pummel him to death.”

  My eyes widen, and I hurry to say, “It’s okay, Daddy. Thanks for defending me.”

  He gently sweeps the tears off my cheek.

  I snivel, and the light I got from Luke spreads brighter through my whole body, even in and around my cracked skull. My outrage, my anger, dims.

  “I guess everyone knows, this is Mr. Haddings,” I say. He stares at me with so much sorrow I almost feel bad for him.

  He steps to the center of the room and looks at each of them. “I am so sorry,” he repeats to each person. “I don’t expect your forgiveness, but I do want you to know, I am sorry, and we’ll cover all the costs. My family and I.”

  No one will look at him, except me. After catching my eye, he loses it in front of everyone.

  Heartless, Mom just shakes her head and crosses her arms, while Dad squeezes the bridge of his nose. Luke rubs his fist, and Cydni glares at the floor.

  “Um. Can everyone, like, go get something to eat or something?” I say.

  Haddings moves to leave.

  “Not you,” I say. “Everyone else.”

  “Is it safe?” Mom asks.

  “No way,” says Luke. “No way can we leave her here alone with this guy. Are you kidding me?”

  Ignoring Cydni, who is beaming death rays at Haddings, I plead with Dad until he caves. “Please?”

  “Well, it’s not my choice, but I think it will be okay. It’s not as if he’s going to run her over with her table tray.”

  I shake my head. “Dad.”

  No one moves for a second. And then several more.